5.12.2010
& now what...?
O.k...o.k...I know that I usually come here with a - big - smile and lots of positivism...and I trully like to do that...but as this blog is evolving as part of my everyday life, it is almost impossible to be always on this track. And I trully start to be getting used to coming here and sharing...and I'd like to do that as I often as I can...but this presupposes that I'm not placed high in any podium, but rather we are all gathered sitted on the floor, among comfortable cushions alltogether. Then I can share parts of my everyday life, of my reality, my thoughts and considerations here with you, where you are also welcome to drop in and share.
Just please do be aware that I'm not glued to this blog and I consider it to be....let's say...an extra room, where I get to have meetings with you, when there is free time....but you are all free to gather here and exchange views and opinions with each other, even without my constant presence. In a way, I'm always here, as this is a place created by me.
So today, allow me to share some less than usual clear thoughts and accept the fact that I'm kind of tired and confused....so...
...ever feel that you are stuck?
...that you know exactly what you are supposed to do, but have no strength to do it?
...ever feel that you doubt your own self?
...ever feel that your energy is drained?
...ever feel that you need to learn new skills, more things, but feel like you' ve spent your whole life in endless learning and simply just need a break?
...ever feel that it's time to really - really! - put your plans and wishes in action, but feel that you are tired even without having started?
...ever feel you are scared to become the best you can be?
...ever feel you are scared like mad of letting go of all the possible pain life has brought your way?
...and that it's time to see that there is actually NO pain any more...
...and that everything is just an echo of the past?
...of traumas that eventhough have been very well taken care off, they have left their irreversible marks?
Well, then you know how I feel these days....no, I am not locked in a room with black circles under my eyes, am not living in a mess and am not leaving myself untaken care of...
Our living space is well taken care of, I go out, I dress myself nicely, I socialise and occasionally work both at and outside home...
...but simply it feels like every little thing needs too much effort!
Then, I know it's time to go back and see what I 've lost and where on my way....
Find it...
Pick it up...
Keep it...
And cherish it like the treasure that it is!
And then...do. Life is SO all about doing.
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Dear Ivy,
ReplyDeleteI feel like that every single day..only...my house is far from beeing taken care of, hate my job and sometimes go to work wearing a tracksuit 'cause I can't be bothered to look nice for a place like that, my 850€ per month wages allows me very little socialising after rent and bills are (more or less) payed and I need to take so many medications a day to fight the constant fisical pain I'm in (probably due to stress and sadness) that I feel my body and mind will be poisoned forever. And yes, I do feel too that every single small thing requires too much effort and I so much DO understand what you mean when you say: "scared like mad of letting go of all the possible pain life has brought your way"...
on dark days I see no end to all this. On better ones I feel that scars life has left us with (so so many ugly scars)are just like marks on tree barks, they show how much we have gone through, but won't stop us from sprouting and blooming. as you always point out, love, in its many many shapes, will see us through.
Thanks for sharing.
xxx
C.
Wow, I really love this post...well I love most of your posts, but this one really speaks to me. I think everyone feels at least some of those things at LEAST some of the time. I try to take steps to change those feelings, but yeah it feels like change is hard and I can only do so much at on time. So true, life is all about doing, not just existing.
ReplyDeleteI actually contemplated driving half an hour to my mother's house today just so I could take a bath because I haven't had one in almost two years and it's what I always did when I felt completely overwhelmed and sleeping did nothing to ward it off-- What I'm trying to say is that there's nothing like soaking in almost-too-hot water for an hour and a half to sort your thoughts. If you have a tub, pour some bubbles in it and indulge.
ReplyDeleteIro Iro...
ReplyDeleteI know that I already have writtensomething to you about this subject, but I really can't read this post and close this window without writting here something!
All I want to say is that you're not alone... and it's amazing how many of us feel or have felt like this before. And this is just because one major but very very simple reason. We are humans and we feel things as they are... as days go by, as things happen in our lives, the good ones, the bad ones... all those things, small or big, that come to us... they make us feel something. Not always a good feeling. we are humans, and we must stop pretending that everything's is ok, every day is a bright day, because it is not.
We are humans... strong, but sometimes weak. Excellent, but sometimes... just enough. It's our nature. And it would be quite worse if we tried to live our life every single day as if we were a rock!
We must let us feel the pain and go through the dark days. It'll be a clichet as I've said once... but we really need those in order to feel the good and bright days when they get to us! :)
As I've said to you... drink some tea.... clear your mind... have a bubble bath (so many of those have I taken when far away from home and soooo tired)... but most of all, be in peace with yourself. Be in peace with your heart and let him lead the way... we don't always understand in that very moment what is happening to us... but we will, sooner or later.
Be you, my dear friend! Because being you is already showing so much strength! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise!
Dear Christina, Audrey, Michelle & Twiggs,
ReplyDeletethank you all so so much for coming here, reading and sharing your experiences and also for the support and the valuable advice.
I must say that sharing here and reading your replies has given me strength and at the same time has made me admire you for the strength that you have in life - Christine this especially for you!
The main reason I decided to share this darker parts om my recent days was that I want there to be created the freedom to express ourselves and participate here, no matter how we feel.
Moreover, I wanted to emphasize that even when we have made steps to move forward in life, there still might come moments where we have forgotten the power that we have and are questioning our own selves and abilities.
I must agree so much with dear Twiggs, with whom we share a similar background on our studies of Psychology, that this is only human.
We are not happy robots, as much as we are not - and should not be - unhappy or complaining ones.
Everything lies in the balance of things, of feelings, of everything actually....but sometimes to reach to balance we must pass by extremes, allowing ourselves to feel both happiness and sorrow.
I believe there to be a lot of character deficiencies arrising from a failure to embrace ones sadness, failure or feelings of insecurity.
On the contrary, I believe there to be a lot of releasing, freedom and solid basis for a good life and character, in admiting and accepting our lower and darker sides.
Before departing from our room today, I want to say once more that meeting here with you has brougth a warm and smooth feeling, one that I really like to cherish and hope that you can feel in your hearts, too.
Michelle, thank you for the bath advice! I do am an ocassional bath taker, all with candles and nice aromas...it does makes a mind and a body to sooth and relax indeed!
I do am spending a nice, relaxing day today and am only wishing the same to you all!
See you here soon and you are welcome whenever you wish :)
Ivy, I am sure you had those days/weeks before. I hate it when those days come but I have to accept, there is this curve, which can go up, very high and also low. Like yin and yang and high tide and low tide.
ReplyDeleteI hope, the high tide will arrive soon.
Until then, yes, taking a bath helps. During a very exhausting CAD-class, I took baths every single evening. Tetesept Entspannungsbad is the perfect remedy.
Right now I am living for sunday - the only day with day and evening off after a long series of busy days. It will rain, it will be cold (8°C). I will stay at home. Which helps!
The free time is an important thing - blogging can sort of put a pressure on you. I can not imagine, how much time and effort you put in your mosaics, postings plus taking all the pictures of your penthouse and editing them ...
Take your break and enjoy the rest on your sofa! Eyes resting on a cup of tea. No computer.
ooops, I am writing affirmations to myself! :-I
Paula, you are so very right!
ReplyDeleteOf course I spend time without blogging and posting and intent to do so for a longer period at times. At the same time it also offers me a lot of pleasure and happiness! And most of all, it even has a therapeutic effect I could say....but as everything it needs to be kept in certain balance...
It is much more sencefull that I can communicate pictures, thoughts and feelings, when I would just keep them to myself and share only with a few people...and have met such wonderful, creative, inspiring people in this blogosphere,which I would have not, hadn't it been for the Internet, but also for offering my share of inspiration. As I believe that in life everything is give and take.
Also do keep in mind that I recently relocated to an new country and this "room" here serves also as a visual and spiritual window for people very close to me, family and friends, eventhought they 'll comment when we engage in exchanging personal mails or telephone conversations.
Thank you for the advice and worry not, we all tend to give to others advice that we also need and want to eventually follow!
Everything is good so long as we can actually follow our own advice :)
i think its human nature to feel all these things - we cant have the highs in life without experiencing the lows too...sometimes it can be good to have a low period as it gives you that yearning, that little push to achieve and be yourself and express oneself a little more! be the best you can be!!
ReplyDeletewhen im feeling like this i always have a little internal talk to myself, .... 'tommorow is another day' ...i try to be kind to myself too and stop demanding so much of 'me' thats when things start to happen for the better!
((hugs))
Hi dear :)
ReplyDeleteThank's for sharing your thoughts...it's very nice of you :)...more valuable insight from you to cherish...exactly a week later since this post, things are settling more inside me...
Hugs and wishes for a great day!